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Random Thought 1

Hello!!  Let me start of by saying thank you for taking the time to check out my blog.  Today’s entry is the first of many thoughts that run through my brain.  The purpose of these posts are to take a few moments and think somewhat deeper on issues that we normally do not give much thought to.  What I think may not be what you think.  I encourage you to send me your thoughts.  I hope you all the best and look forward to hearing what you think about these thoughts of mine.

Random Thought – If anger begins when someone or something blocks us from something we want, are all arguments rooted in some form of selfishness?

When working with clients who need help with anger management, I use a technique called the 6 steps of anger.  It comes from a video by Doctor Larry Iverson.  If you would like to check it out, I will leave a link to the video at the end of this post.  The first step is where frustration begins and, as stated in the thought, is when someone or something blocks us from something we want.  Anger is referred to as a secondary emotion.  This means that there is another emotion, the primary emotion, that precedes it.  This primary emotion is most often thought to be frustration.  I am not sure how much I agree with that, but that is for another post.  I will just say that, in session, I add hurt to the list as well.  Some will argue that hurt is part of frustration or vise versa.  However you wish to think about it is your choice, but let us get back on track.  The point is that anger is a process.  This process can take milliseconds or years.  Those who come to see me tend to be near the former of that spectrum, but I digress.

When we reach the point that we are no longer frustrated and are angry, we have decided to demand that we get what we want and punish whomever or whatever is blocking us.  Yes I mean whatever…ask me about the wallet story sometime…it’s a good example of a what blocking me.  Just saying….Anyways, it is at this point that we are by definition being selfish.  We are demanding that we get what we want.  This may be justified or not, but either way I would say we are being selfish.  I am not saying that it is wrong to be selfish in these cases.  It would depend on the situation.  There are times that I can remember being justifiably angry and there are times I can remember being a whiny little brat because I did not get my way…Are there times in your life you can remember being angry simply because you did not get your way?

Going back to Dr. Iverson’s video, he states the number one way to control your anger is to become solution focused.  This means you look to how to solve whatever the problem is that is making you angry.  If the answer is something you can do or change, then change it.  If the answer is something that you cannot do or change, then let it go and move on.  The examples I use with my clients are the color of the walls in my office and the color of the sky.  If the color of the walls in my office are making me angry, that is something that I can change….so change it.  They do not by the way…..but, if they did, I could change them.  If I did not like the fact that the sky is blue and would like it to be some other color, there is not much I can do about that.  So I must learn to accept the blue sky, let it go, and move on.  For those who are quick to anger, this takes practice…and practice…and more practice.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this.  If you have any questions or would like me to discuss a thought of yours, you can email me at jhart@lhpsychclinic.com.

Until next week….God bless!

Here is the link to Dr. Iverson’s video.

 
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